I Am Nebula
by Mishkin
Summary: "Freedom is sweet, but so is the taste of revenge." In this two-part one-shot, explore the inner thoughts of a lesser character who has more potential than she thinks. Blinded by hatred and hurt, will Nebula be able to remember who she is?
1. Victim

They are watching me.

They are watching me watch them.

There is so much anger in their eyes. So much distrust. I cannot understand how they became a team. You would not see me uniting myself to such a dissary of characters. The only conlusion I can come to is that it was a mistake. Mistakes happen. They happen so often I am inclined to believe that this universe thrives on them.

I am a mistake.

But they have greatly underestimated me.

Star Lord is having a heated discussion with the fox. The fox fails to treat the others with respect. All he does is yell at the others. All they do is yell at him. The little sprig alternates between their shoulders, looking aggrieved. He doesn't seem to realize that because of his friend's mistake, we are all being pursued by ships meant for killing. The stupid one is excited and Gamora is annoyed. But the little sprig...he is scared.

I do not have time to be afraid as the ship goes careening through space. Once I was capable of such emotions, but now all I feel is darkness. I wonder...do any of them feel it? Do they feel the heat from the embers of a dying flame deep in their chest? Do they feel the iron hand around their necks, choking love and smothering hope?

Of course they do not. I am alone, as I always have been.

The enemy vessels start attacking and tremors that shake the ship shake me. My head clangs against metal and the handcuffs dig into what skin I have at my wrists. I shout in fury. Gamora keeps track of my every move. Her eyes are piercing daggers of hatred.

Hatred.

All I see when I look at her is hatred. Blinding, suffocating hatred.

I cannot look at her now.

Instead, I look out the window and seek the sparkling light from the stars and nearby planets. Seeing these lights reminds me of all the lights Thanos trained on me during—I bury these feelings and focus on the ground quaking beneath me.

It wasn't always like this. I remember a time from my childhood days when I could smile at the things of this universe. A time when even Gamora seemed lovely and promising.

My hair was dark, like hers.

Still.

She never saw me back then. She never cared. All she thought about was herself.

 _All she thought about was herself._

The stupid one ties a rope around his chest and flies out the back hatch in some idiotic attempt to fire back at the golden drones. I don't even think there is anyone inside them. How utterly pathetic. I refuse to die here.

We reach the planet's surface by crashing wildly into a forest of healthy trees. Screaming, I hold as tight as I can to the cold bar I am chained to, for once grateful for the bindings that hold me. Gamora runs past me, shouting the stupid one's name. I watch as she runs to grab the rope that is tied to him. I hear the frustration in her voice above the roar of the engine. The underlying desperation.

How pathetic. She would spare more innocent trees if she just let him go. Why waste energy on something so ridiculous? Star Lord yells at us to brace ourselves for landing and the ship finally comes to a stop.

When the dust settles, the group gathers outside around the ruined remains of the ship and they all start fighting again. It smells like sweat and dust. Some Guardians of the Galaxy they turned out to be. They are wasting time. Do they honestly think they can keep me locked up forever? I could help them. I could offer another pair of arms. I could slit their throats.

 _I could win._

But they ignore my voice and do not release me. I refuse to continue on like this. I refuse to stand one more minute in the company of such fools when I have better things to do. Plans to make, places to get to, people to kill.

Why does everything always fail to work in my favor? If I have to stand through one more joke about the objects between their—what is that?

An egg-shaped shuttle lands elegantly in the dirt and two people step out. He says his name is Ego, and that he is Star Lord's sire. He wants Star Lord to come with him. From what I know of that idiot, he will accept without question. Gamora tells him to trust this stranger who could be anyone. And sure enough, he does.

I am surrounded by imbeciles.

The Guardians split up and decide to leave me with the fox and the little sprig. Not surprisingly, a group of ravagers come sneaking up on us. The fox leaves to deal with the situation and I am left with an opportunity.

The little sprig is scared again. He worries about his friends. He is easy to fool. I easily trick him into letting me go, and escape. That's all it takes to be free. When the time is right, I will find Gamora and then Thanos, and I will rid the universe of them. I will wipe away the horrors of their injustice and they will be forgotten.

Freedom is sweet, but so is the taste of revenge.


	2. Victor

She is watching me.

She is watching me watch her.

Every move is calculated, eyes flickering towards my every movement, hands poised in front of her to strike before I do. Despite me having made the first move, she is determined to make the last.

There is no way I will allow that to happen again.

Only moments before, what was supposed to be a victory was cut short by Gamora running into a cave too small to hold the spaceship I was flying.

Only moments before, she saved my life from a burning hell.

I cannot understand it. No matter how many times I try; no matter how hard I work towards my goal, she always manages to get one step ahead of me. It is the same as when we were children.

It wasn't always like this. Why wasn't it always like this? Why hasn't she died yet? Why does she always have to be the better person? How can the Guardians of the Galaxy stand to be in her presence?

I race forward and kick my legs out at her, landing a blow in. Satisfaction doesn't even manage to worm its way in before she gets her own kick in. She slaps my face and I spit on the ground, her hand leaving a mark on my cheek.

She disgusts me.

I scream in her face and take the momentary distraction to punch her in the gut. She cries out in frustration and knees my solar plexus. I gasp in rage and stumble back momentarily before she charges at me again.

My hand is up before she can hit me, and she goes spiraling out of control, gasping away from me. And then she is back, stronger than before, pummeling me into the ground. When did she become so strong?

When did I become so weak?

Again and again we ram into each other, spending all the rage, distrust, and hurt that is in us. Again and again we fail to completely disarm the other one. It is a never-ending game of you punch me, I punch you.

Finally we collapse side by side, breathing heavily and staring up at the dark ceiling. I wonder if there is any light in this world for me. She tells me I don't need to win every fight, that we are still sisters. I turn to look at her, my gaze purposely genuine. I want her to see this side of me.

I want her to see my vulnerability.

I tell her that I was the one who just wanted a sister. She always wanted to win. I cared about her. I wanted to love her. And she gave me nothing in return.

As soon as the words are out, Gamora flinches, as if she had no idea how I felt. Of course she didn't. All she wants to see is herself. I turn back to the ceiling and watch as flames dance across my vision. She wants to help me out. She wants to help me live.

I want to die.

Still.

We manage to escape the collapsing cave and eventually find our way back to the other Guardians, where a war between Star Lord and his father ensues. Throughout it all, I think of how I knew the guy was a madman to begin with.

And then we are in the ship, the planet crumbling around us.

For some reason, Star Lord has decided the sacrificing himself is the better way. I do not understand his logic. Don't we fight in order to survive? Gamora is frantic. I suppose she cares for him, as they all care for him.

This feeling of anticipation I understand.

I do not understand the way they have banded together and called it friendship, and not the way they have ostracized themselves into heroism, but I understand the reason they can all respect Star Lord. He is an honorable man. Even I can understand that.

Even I await either his death or miraculous salvation.

The world pauses as we wait. The very air we breath becomes stagnant. And in the end when he returns safely, there is some sort of bitter joy to be had.

Bitter because of Yondu's death.

Bitter because I realize that for the first time in a long time I have felt something other than hatred.

Bitter, because in those few moments, the thirst for revenge was quieted by my thirst for acceptance.

If Gamora asks me to join the Guardians, I will decline. Thanos needs to pay for what he has done. Thanos needs to suffer the way I suffered, only a thousand times more.

I don't care if it takes days, or months, or years. I will find him. I will end this once and for all. I will taste the freedom I deserve. Gamora did not spare my life in order for me to continue waiting and doing nothing.

I may not be a Guardian of the Galaxy, or the leader of the Ravagers, or even a hero.

But I am not a mistake.

I am Nebula.


End file.
